“What doesn't kill you makes you die younger!” a friend of mine quipped the other day when I told him about what a client of mine is going through. I said: “Don't you mean, “What doesn't kill you makes you stronger?””

“No!” he said. “It means your Ego dies younger and then you become stronger.” “Oh.” I said. Then I told him about a time when I was teaching in London a few years ago and I had stood in front of a room full of people and told them that I needed a moment of silence because I had recently turned 50 and my ego had died a horrible death.

My friend said: “50? You don't look a day over 60!” I almost miss my ex-friend but, my ego won't permit it.

What is the 'ego'? In my humble opinion, it is a combination of two things. (1) Our thoughts about who we are plus: (2) Our feelings about who we are. Which do you suppose carries more weight? Right, our beliefs about who we are. Feelings are beliefs in action. Where do these Ego/Self Identification feelings/beliefs come from? Walmart. Just kidding. Our beliefs come from a complex, ever changing array of circumstances, events and people.

The Ego Is Ephemeral. Einstein said: “Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.” And, while we are here in The Now, this “now” reality is a part of a greater reality. NLP teaches that the meaning of the communication is the response received. This means that reality leaves a lot of room to the imagination, doesn't it?

We ultimately decide for ourselves what is “important” (real). Yes, our opinions, feelings, beliefs have been informed/influenced by others but, we have the final say – if we have the courage. I can 'imagine' that what another person has done to me is “an ultimate, unforgivable insult” or, I can imagine that what they have done is “an ultimate teaching point”.

My reality is that while I am here, I will do my best to learn and love rather than hate. This is what I communicate to clients because this foundation is a deep, powerful place of positive change. We cannot stand on a foundation of a pit of poisonous snakes (resentful feelings) and not expect to get bitten and poisoned.  Yet many do just that while expecting to lose weight/change habits/make more money, etc.

Here's a Strange Secret (to some): The 'Ego' can be a very good thing – if trained properly. You train your ego to not be an ego but, a servant of your higher purpose which is love and learning. By the way, my ego has a real problem with the “F word” (forgiveness).

But, my ego is okay with Acknowledgment and Acceptance. To my ego, it seems that forgiveness never goes unpunished (a sort-of joke).

And this is where hypnosis can absolutely come in handy. We can hypnotically coach our clients to acknowledge (I.E., admit to) the reality of a thing and then accept it because only then can change actually occur.

I have a client in England. Her boyfriend is a real piece of work. What I have gently coached her to do is to acknowledge that she knew from the beginning (at both a conscious and unconscious level) that he was missing an essential “emotional chip” and that she chose him because that was all she was capable of doing – at the time.

I have also coached her to deeply apprehend that if her “ego” continues to choose him then she can no longer question or judge his behavior. Why? Because he is what he is and she has chosen to accept it for years.

I find it a strange secret that many of us (myself included), have a tendency to expect a leopard to change its spots when it comes to the people in our lives. Our Ego has insisted a person be a certain way because we want them to be that way in spite of overwhelming evidence of who they are as evidenced by their consistent behavior.

How stoopid. (How many of you have preconceived notions about pour spellurs?) We should always mistrust our feelings but listen to them none the less. They always carry a message.

My client cannot fault her boyfriend for being who he is because he has consistently demonstrated who he is (for years) and, her ego has found it to be acceptable enough. I hear someone saying: “She needs to dump him – she's worth more.” I agree but, her Ego doesn't – yet. She is more terrified of being alone than she is of being with a deeply, emotionally incapable person.

My overriding mission for all my clients is that they become better friends to themselves because then they will feel better and be more able to make positive changes. Sometimes being a better friend to oneself is to accept the limitations of our Ego so that we can change them – over time. Or, we make friends with our limitations and thus, we make friends with those that fit into our limitations.

Interestingly, without limitations we would not know what direction we need to go in.

Humor is a great way to acknowledge and accept our limitations as growth points. “I love long, moonlit walks on the beach with my girlfriend - until the LSD wears off and I realize I'm walking in circles in an empty parking lot dragging a stolen manikin under my arm.”

Learning to love and laugh at Ourselves and Life involves a lot tears. Embrace your liquid diamonds and you will laugh and live in a more authentic, peaceful way than you can imagine.

“The Past, The Present and The Future walked into a bar. Everything was tense.”

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